03:44AM

he’s a lot more effective than me, sometimes i wonder why i let it be, why didn’t i chase the dream and make it my reality? i sit here in a glaze, like a dumbfounded rat in a maze, and all i can think is, what kind of life we could have made. if i gave it a chance, but i didn’t want to give in, this stubborness is making me crave him and he has not even a clue, that the key is you. what does it matter, he’s not even here, walked past me, talked after me, written down fears, just ruffled feathers now, blowing in the wind. just didn’t want to sin, i saw it all too late, thought He would hate, cancelled soul plans, wondering how it could have been, heartbreaking stanz as. im so tired. i can’t sleep, i can’t keep my eyes open either, swallowing chewing gum is not a form of digestive fibre. i feel sick. and i wish he was here. where your mind wanders, that’s apparently where your heart is at. doesn’t help if he’s got his bullseye and his shot pointed at me with his gat. smack. probably what i needed. to make myself see sense. months have passed and i still want his scent. superman and clark kent. either which way. your anonymity needs an author. all i needed you to say was. it’s fine, imma look after ya. instead you wanted me to look after you, had enough of that, but now i guess i’m paying my dues. like its a disease. i swear. it’s so long and here it is still. living and killing. blood is spilling. cursor is blinking.

oh my god i can’t end it. it’s like an egg. hatched inside my head. and he’s the chick. wake up in the morning and see this. but it’s useless. who does he think he is? and he makes me cry salt tears of bitterness as he continues through, wishing good luck to you, linked through melodies too few. i see you everywhere and everyone says to let go. but really and truly, what do they know? your bars keep me company and yet to you i am nothing, when it could have been something, tortured moments exist while you renew like a phoenix. ashes to ashes, and dust to dust. one does what one must. it’s all about the paper cuts. earth, mantle, crust, ears are bleeding with lust. wanting your love. “They pluck out mine eyes. Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood Clean from my hand?” Out damned spot, wish he could understand. when i die, i will be by his side and he won’t even have an inkling whilst he escapes free into heaven mingling, sensation of tingling…crown him king, roses scented with an engagement ring, sing to me my beautiful, i call for you to sing. greeted with silence, i now know nothing, imagining skin against skin like how it should’ve been, betrothed to conscience, circumstances unseen. my mind is a blurred haze. am i supposed to wait? sitting under the sun’s shade reminiscing mistakes made, memories raised and erased. curtailed and phased. emancipated state of fate which he hates. despises, would rather emaciate than consecrate but what does it matter…when its all too late? rewind at the touch of a touchscreen button, sleeping here on my imaginary fouton eating croutons now i’m just insane in the membrane of strain. meow i say and he hums to me saving me from spiders enveloped in our heresy. i am the chocolate he is the dessicated, wrapped over in sugar canes, again and again battling captain hook running out of magic because i only have myself to blame.

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